Wyvern Rugby Club Match Reports

Wyvern 49 – Presidents XV 10


The final game of the season saw a now familiar Wyvern team prepare to do battle with the not so unfamiliar Presidents team, assembled by our incumbent father figure and Wyvern sage Mick Halligan. 

The opposition had a familiar look, with many of the guests having helped out the Wyvern when Captain Wren’s renown ‘squad system’ went awry. Noted spectators saw Kevin Powderly scouting for next year. With Taunton RFC now promoted, additions to his squad will, I am sure, be required! Fortunately for the Wyvern, all protracted contract negotiations had been settled in Plymouth and, much to Coach Powderly’s dismay, it was only this seasons reject Warren ‘Onslow’ Lewis who was actually available for signing!

The match was, as ever, an entertaining and free flowing affair. Wyvern hit men were attached to guard against the perceived dangermen. Not wanting to let anyone down Dougle James was soon running amok with his characteristic and attempted dummies (we all knew he would but we all still fell for it!). Spud Murphy was treated with caution and respect to avoid any ‘faux pas moments’ or repeats of the ‘embarrassment’ caused on tour. 

The Wyvern team were bereft of any possession in the early stages, but, as time wore on and the Presidents XV began to tire, the home teams superior and obvious fitness reaped its rewards. First half tries from Tiny, Gothie (2) and Fish, saw Wyvern turn around (all conversions slotted with consummate ease by Howie) 28 points to the good.

Fishy was looking jaded at half time having spent a good deal of his energy chasing Lennie ‘sicknote’ Lennox around Wyvern Park to share a ‘chicken dipper’ with him. Lennie avoided the moment with ease and much relief!

A spirited second half saw the presidents reply with tries from Dougle ‘I’m still going to bloody ref next season’ James and Spud ‘I only ever score against you’ Murphy. Both conversions were missed by Martin ‘turncoat’ Howe!

Wyvern continued to exploit the failing fitness and ran in three more tries. Gothie picked up his hat-trick when he collected an impressive kick from the Fish, who also delivered the undefendable ‘flat but slightly forward’ pass to Captain Wren who touched down under the posts. Both tries were converted by our antipodean cousin Simon ‘g’day’ Camp.

The ‘champagne moment’ had to be the sight of front row stalwart Westie, sprinting into the corner from the half way line, to score a superb try. This was testament to his dedication in following his personal trainers (Moley) intensive cardiovascular workouts throughout the season.

The whole affair was well marshalled by Wyvern veteran Arthur Moore, who kept the game moving at all times ensuring an entertaining morning for all.

The post match buffet and celebrations were enjoyed by one and all, and Captain Wren was duly re-elected, to his wife’s surprise and absolute delight, to take charge again next year! 

Wyvern 46 – Wiveliscombe 5

What a relief it was for Captain Wren and Flight lieutenant Howe to see not only the Wivvy team, but the referee and several Wyvern ‘bodies’ at the home of social rugby, Wyvern Park on Sunday morning. Three late phone calls had left some holes in the Wyvern squad. Jimmy the Fish (man overboard) Dougal James (I shall be resplendent in stripes) and Jason (Australian flu) were deemed to be AWOL, but several arrivals that Captain Wren knew nothing about soon evened up the numbers again! Corporal James had been rejected by Taunton under 7’s as ‘incapable of refereeing the match’ and arrived excited at the prospect of playing as opposed to refereeing. I have since been told that this ‘rejection’ was due to the opposition not turning up at Taunton (apparently Howie had arranged the fixture) and not a slur on his growing reputation as a dashing and cavalier exponent of the fine art of match adjudication!

Wyvern were obviously very keen to play this match and started with enormous vigour. Munch aka ‘Gus’ Loader released several weeks of angst on the Wivvy pack. His foraging, tackling, running and shouting was the example that others followed throughout the whole of the game. First half tries from Dave ‘I’ve never played scrum half before’ Hughes, Martin ‘the boots’ Howe (showing real pace against a 58 year old fullback!) and Dougal James, along with a conversion and penalty from Howie, saw Wyvern comfortable at the break. An excellent all round performance from all 15 for the whole 40 (yes 40!) minutes.

The second half started well with Taz Bailey, back on the pitch following a tactical 10 minute breather, score an individual try especially for his birthday. His ‘short’ weary dash to the line was testament to his failing fitness as the advancing years take their toll on his battered body. 

Unfortunately the game lapsed into confrontation mode on occasions, with several bouts of bad behaviour, especially from the front rows. Westie attempted to act as ‘Kofi Anan’ and separate the warring factions, but unfortunately his presence only seemed to make things worse! I wonder why?

Back to the rugby and Dougal James illustrated again why he should take up football by kicking across the pitch to Jim ‘try scoring debut’ Hudson who caught the ball full tilt and sped into the corner. An excellent try that was an example of the mix of experience (Westie in gathering the ball), pace (Jim with slight of hand and pace) and luck (Dougal never meant to kick it to that corner). 

More excellent forward play saw Jim ‘aaaaaargh’ Duncan score under the posts, carefully tracked by Captain Wren in the hope of a try scoring pass. The kick was narrowly missed by ‘man-mountain’ Moley following a freak wind. Always next week Moley!

The best was definitely saved until last. A slick handling move from Wivvy was cut short when Terry ‘I’ve got a mate who wants to play’ F**kwit launched himself mid Wiveliscombe pass, intercepted with consummate ease and raced the length of the pitch to score. Howie turned in impressive kicking stats of five from six (83%) outdoing all the six Nation kickers rather easily!

Post match dialogue centred around the successful mornings rugby. An excellent win had demonstrated many of the Wyverns attributes. The combination of youth and experience, pace and guile, rousing ‘team’ talks, preparation and training, tactics and practice and, of course, the fact that the opposition actually turned up!

North Petherton next week. That’s two games ‘on the trot’ for the statisticians amongst you. A rare treat!

Wyvern V Somerton – Cancelled due to a lack of opposition!

Captain ‘half a season’ Wren and his erstwhile colleague Martin ‘I bloody well did ring them on Monday’ Howe cut a sorry sight on Sunday morning when the opposition failed to arrive at Wyvern park. 

The ensembled sixteen stared forlornly at Mountfield road in the vain hope that someone, anyone, from Somerton might appear saying that the rest of their team, although running late, were on the way. But by eleven thirty it was plainly evident for all to see (with the exception of Skippy, Harry, Rod and Jimmy D who carried on warming up!) that the game was not going to happen. Phone calls to a wife of one of the Somerton team passed a message to Eiron, the team Coach, ‘Where are you all’? The reply of ‘what game’ was confirmation of what many of us had already assumed! 

Eiron was last seen packing his bags for a speedy escape from the area. A breakdown in communications at the Somerton end left the Wyvern team without a fixture, again! 

On a more positive note both Westie and ‘H’ have confirmed that this genteel season may well have extended their rugby careers by a further five seasons! 

Whilst several players fled the scene to be commiserated with lunch at the wife/mother-in-law/girlfriend or friends if your lucky, several players mooched into the Wyvern bar to be met with a fine ‘buffet style’ meal laid on at great personal expense by Captain Wren. Taz, Eddie ‘I came all the way down from London for this you t****r Wren’ Cullen, Moley, Dave ‘H’, Terry ‘lucky charm’ f**kwit and Mark Lees were overwhelmed by such an act of selflessness and were very generous in forgiving Captain Wren for spoiling the whole of their Sunday. Captain Wren’s parentage and what he does on a Friday night when his wife is out were insults which, with a thick skin and broad shoulders were quickly forgotten.

Howie, refusing to be consoled, spent the next hour practising his kicking and muttering to himself that it never used to be like this. However, following a conversation with the renown Wyvern sage of the late 1970’s Mick ‘there really is nothing wrong with Mark’s back, he just wants to be a flanker instead of a hooker’ Halligan, informed me that it has been known for the Wyvern to be travelling to an ‘away’ fixture whilst the opposition were travelling in the opposite direction to their ‘away’ fixture, and of course who can forget the tour when the Wyvern team arrived at their guests rugby club to the surprise of the club who had no recollection of any tour being organised!

Mark Halligan’s delight at informing Captain Wren that such a ‘short’ season hardly qualified as a season at all and that he should, morally, accept the task again next year as way of recompense to all the players let down by the lack of rugby this year, was met with a furrowed brow and an impending fear of how he was going to broach the subject with Mrs Wren!

Apologies to all that got changed on Sunday! Despite mobile phones and websites the occasional ‘balls-up’ due to human error will always occur. It is easy to point the finger of blame (I think it was entirely Howies fault, nothing to do with me, blame him, blame him!) but it was always going to be hard to upstage Dougals forgotten shirt episode at Wiveliscombe. Perhaps the forgotten team of Somerton might just do it!

I have arranged to collect the Wiveliscombe team in a mini-bus next week so don’t be despondent, we will play again! 

Wyvern 22 Blake Bears 5

The rather ‘pickled’ remains of Spud Murphy’s stag weekend gathered on Sunday morning to enjoy the company of fellow coarse rugby exponents Blake Bears. Captain Wren’s car doubled as team taxi for several still inebriated stags from the previous evenings entertainment. 

Moley was found wandering aimlessly along Kingston road. Not for long. He was helped into the car despite protestations of the biggest hangover since hangovers were invented and a very sore, if not broken, sternum/ribcage. The fumes exuding from every pore put Captain Wren in danger of being over the drink-drive limit for the journey!

Despite such limitations Moley knew a short cut to get to Blake Bears ground. An hour and a half later we arrived at Haygrove school with everyone waiting, including some very pretty netball players being well looked after by Dave ‘I like you’ Cox. 

Blake Bears had a very different look about them. Several new signings had been made since Wyverns start of the season victory by a clear 50 points. The first score went to the Bears. Captain Wren started shouting at his inebriated players. Just the sort of encouragement that works when the entire team are still drunk and half asleep! Spud Murphy rose to the challenge, fuelled by testosterone for his impending marriage to Sally, he took a quick penalty (not actually that quick but everyone else was very very slow!) and scored.

Doug James, resplendent in green, awarded the try in his capacity of ‘Match Referee’

The game ground on with the hangovers gradually lifting. Taz Baily, running up through the centre of the park like a chased fox, eventually went to ground, with Westie supporting on the deck and probably on the wrong side, popping a pass to the ‘fuming’ Captain Wren who scored in the corner. Gareth ‘The Boot’ Hughes converted. Twelve five at half time and a much needed pep talk was ignored by all!

The start of the second half saw Howie limp off with his dodgy hamstring being dodgy again. Gareth Hughes stepped up to fly half and showed everyone he is most definitely a right footed kicker. Unfortunately he kicked with his left foot for the rest of the game!

Moley came on as replacement for Howie on the left wing. Moley V Buster from the bears, who said the fine art of wing play is dead!

Rod ‘Persil’ Cockram saved the day by confidentially slotting a penalty which gave Wyvern a two score margin. Rods mobile number has been forwarded to Mr Charlie Hodgson should he require any help/advice/support/techniques or he just wants to borrow his kicking tee!

Guy ‘Munch’ Loader finished the scoring with his usual ‘vigorous’ play, storming over to secure the game. Rod converted!

As ever an enjoyable visit to our Bridgwater neighbours. Burgers and chips with a vegetarian option was a very pleasant end to the mornings rugby.

Many thanks to Doug. The man in green is becoming more confident and assured as his refereeing career continues. I would like to have said the same about his playing days but that’s another story………….. 

Wyvern 20 Wellington 12

This could take a while…….

Spring sunshine greeted the visiting players from Wellington at Wyvern Park on Sunday morning. The absence of Fishy, Lennie the Shark and Taz ‘double pneumonia’ Baily, left gaps in the familiar Wyvern line up, but with Captain Wren’s ‘squad system’ working like clockwork, an ensemble of 18 arrived early to face an impressive looking Wellington team, running through their repertoire of slick moves and warm up exercises.

When Delilah cut off Sansoms hair the effects were immediate - loss of strength and willpower! Not so for returning club stalwart Phil ‘Spud’ Murphy with his shaven locks and consequent successful appointment to senior ‘ping-pong’ adjudicator for Somerset Fire Brigade. Samson Murphy – it has a certain ‘Je ne sais qua!’

Back to the match……

An excellent first half saw Wyvern camped in the Wellington ‘22’. Gary ‘PB’ happy to invite the Wellington back row to try and tackle him without serious injury! The heavy defeat in September was rapidly fading as Jason ‘probably the best scrum half on the park’ Squire skipped around the base of the scrum and sprinted, with consummate ease, to the try line.

Further forward domination, especially in the scrum, saw the Wyvern ‘establishment’ of Westie, Coxy and Moley dominate matters, with the engine room of Ian and Dougal constantly shoving Wellington backwards. The back row of Ollie alias Robbie (apologies!), Dave H and Jimmy D were irrepressible around, above, on top of and behind the loose. Further scores from Dougal (following my advice NOT to pass the ball to any one else!) with his now hallmark effort of swerve, dummy pass, dummy kick, wobble, trip and collapse and Gareth H, the recipient of an impressive ‘Wilkinsonesque’ pass across half the pitch at twice the speed of light (well Budger and I never saw it!) from Mark ‘piece of cake’ Lees, saw Wyvern turn around a commanding 17 points to nil up.

The man in ‘stripes’ was replaced by a ‘proper’ referee at half time – thank you Howie!

The second half was always going to be a challenge, against the wind, into the sun, up the hill and substitutes a plenty from Wellington. Enter the Wyvern ‘super subs’ Harry ‘H’, Guy ‘The Munch’ Loader, Rod ‘my backs better but I got a little bit p***ed last night’ and Howie minus stripy shirt and whistle.

The line held with an excellent 15 man defensive performance. Howie, Rod and Gareth all mopped up the high kicks, chip kicks and sprinting teenage backs that Wellington could muster. Despite conceding a couple of scores to a well struck Mark Lees penalty, the prospect of a victory against Wellington (the first since March 1886 Howie tells me) was enough to inspire Wyvern in the final quarter.

The very ‘unWyvern' decision to attempt to kick all the penalties they were awarded in the last few minutes ran the clock down nicely and victory was very much deserved! 

A special mention must be made of Mark Lees attempted drop goal, very much from the Jimmy the Fish school of drop kicking, low, short and bloody miles away!!

An impressive performance by one and all. Howie is, as I type, awaiting confirmation of a fixture next Sunday against Tiverton. I’ll be in touch……

Wyvern 0 Somerset Fire Brigade 26

Far too much Christmas Cheer was enjoyed by the Wyvern players, based on the evidence of Sunday's performance. The control of the game and good use of the ball shown at Somerton was totally lost to the men in red, who performed in a lack luster way which handed the fixture to the Fire Brigade side.

The two tries each half were not given away and the visitors worked hard and with great cohesion to keep the Wyvern pressed back throughout the match. That being said, the Wyvern had more than their share of the ball, but on each occasion it was an incorrect choice to kick or run, or simply a lack of support which lead to the turn over of the ball.

The match was refereed by Doug James, taking the whistle for his first ever senior game. He managed the whole affair very well and maintained an even handed control of the game throughout.

Next week's Spaxton match is to be re-arranged, as they have an unfinished Somerset Cup game with North Petherton. An alternative fixture is presently being sought.

Wyvern 46 Somerton 5

Wyvern, back from their continental style mid season break, as thoughtfully arranged by fixtures secretary Martin Howe, recorded an impressive win against Somerton.

Captain Wren’s furrowed brow was met with little concern or empathy from the gathered thirteen, who assured him that his selection problems were not uncommon and that thirteen is really rather a lot for a trip as far flung as Somerton. A quick phone call summoned PC Hughes from slumber land and the intrepid fourteen set off into the distance of South Somerset.

Somerton were generous in lending Wyvern a player and at fifteen bodies apiece the cobwebs were slowly shaken off. So slowly in fact, that Wyvern found themselves 5 nil down in the opening seconds! This was however exactly as we had planned it, and our ability to lull the opposition into a false sense of security rapidly paid off. Eight unanswered tries came at regular intervals during the rest of the game. I am a little unsure of the scoring order but the forwards count of 9 tries (yes you are a forward Jason) to one for the backs, illustrated the dominant feature of this game, ‘Moley the Man Mountain’.

Moley’s jinking runs, combined with his powerful surges, made the efforts of Taz Bailey (two tries), Jim ‘aaaaaargh’ Duncan (one try), Guy’ if you think your hard enough’ Loader (one try) Dave ‘is it bed time yet’ Hughes (one try), Skippy ‘21 - 19’ Squire (two tries) and Fishy Fish (one try) pale into insignificance. A moral try was most definitely due for Moleys consistent efforts!! 

A flourishing new talent was also seen as Ian Scovell, showing off in front of his girlfriend, produced an impressive all-round performance. When questioned by Captain Wren about what Ian had had for breakfast, Mrs Ian blushed slightly and giggled a lot. Captain Wren then blushed a lot and giggled slightly. Weetabix next week please Ian!

A special mention must go to Harry Harrison. His dominance in the scrumaging from tight head prop was awesome! Even when he tried to lay down and have a little rest a quick slap on the backside from Fishy was enough to kick start him back into ‘rumbling’ action.

Fishy handed over all the easy kicks to Howie who was successful with 3. The Fish showed that he is predominately a right footed kicker by missing his 2 ‘very hard’ kicks with his left foot.

An entertaining and enjoyable morning, which was very well overseen by referee Irun (not sure how to spell that one). The late arrival (20 minutes after the final whistle) of Stu and Brendon boosted the squad to sixteen for the visit to the Somerton bar!

A home fixture against Bridgwater has been arranged and confirmed (in triplicate) by Howie for next week. Martin Reid has promised a convivial atmosphere of mince pies and sherry for the post match Christmas celebrations so clear the diary, say no to the shopping trip and polish up the match day boots!

Wyvern 15 North Petherton 15

Dougie does Prozac

Having had their recent 4 week ‘unbeaten’ run ended by Wiveliscombe the previous Sunday, Wyvern were keen to bounce back against an impressive looking North Petherton 2nd XV. A talented squad of 24 was prepared by Captain Bench, a ‘squad’ of 15 took the field!

Opening exchanges saw Wyvern fall behind, but slick handling and elusive running from Skippy ( Twickenham beckons!) Squire saw Howie sidestep, swerve and dive into the corner. An easy kick was missed by Fish, who appeared dazed and confused after another quiet Saturday night in. 

Petherton struck back with a converted try.

Impressive play by the Wyvern ‘front 5’ saw Taz Bailey crash over for a deserved try. This was quickly followed by a Doug James special – a hack forward, Pethie handling errors and a collapsing Dougal on the try line – text book stuff!!

The second half saw a dogged Wyvern defensive performance. Fierce tackling by the back row of Munch, Jimmy ‘D’ and Taz inspired the rest of the team to join in. Doug James stopped whinging about the ref for at least 15 minutes in the second half, a vast improvement on last week. A course of ‘Prozac’ has been arranged by our new incumbant paramedic Dr. Spud Murphy, to cheer the Dougal up!

A final spirited flurry saw Petherton launch several attacks at the Wyvern line. A penalty was eventually given and the scores were tied 15 apiece. 

Thanks to Mark Lees, not only for his ambitious attempted drop goal which was curtly dismissed by Fish as ‘wholly inappropriate for Sunday rugby’ but for turning up and making us 15!

GBP looked comfortable in the clubhouse with new edition Chloe, although colleagues from the backs sat anxiously by. GPB’s hands were as reliable as ever.

The new ‘Creche’ facility that had been arranged in the clubhouse appeared to work well, with Hoolie keeping a watchful eye on the whole situation. He has promised ‘PlayDoh’, ‘Plasticine’ and a ‘Rosie and Jim’ video for the next home match. 

Ivel Barbarians (Yeovil!) await next week. A 12:00 o’clock kick off, so an extra hour to run through the ‘symphony’ of moves that Wyvern RFC are fast becoming renown for. It appears that at long last the hard work of the training pitch is filtering through into our weekly performances!

P.S.

Chequebooks at the ready for the home game against Frome Valley Lions on the 28th November. Dr. Spud Murphy will be after your tour deposit for the flights to Jersey (about £55). He must have a name to go with the booking – he tells me it’s the law!

Wiviliscombe 21 Wyvern 14

Entertaining game but Wyvern fail to wrap it up

Wyvern turned up at Wivy in gallant form without a loss for three weeks but the unfortunate fate of having to play a game meant this wasn't to continue. Wyvern, deciding not to play in gold this year started playing up the slope on the infamous pond field. A welcome return for Steve Ladd, Jim Duncan and Eddie "the hernia" Cullen made Lenny's excuse of having the plague rather trivial!! Mark Lees rallied the backs as Taz motivated the troops. Wyvern seemed to have the better up front but couldn't capitlise on this advantage and it was Wivy who drew first blood scoring under the posts. In the last quarter of the half it was again good forward pressure which released the backs and masterful skipper Jonny Wren did all the hard work for Dougie James to trip over a pasty and score.
Wyvern went into the break 10-7 up and skip was talking about winning by about 40 points...... if only the opposition had heard.
Wivy started the second half very quickly and a good back play opened up the Wyvern defence with ease. Another Wivy attack saw Ian Marine marooned on the field with the ball like a bar of soap escaping his hands directly into Wivy hands as another score went against the reds. Wyvern were rattled but Jonny showed his leadership skills as he gave his morale lifting speech to the 
posts. Meanwhile Wyvern's other fourteen captains had their own ideas. The Wyvern pack kept battering down the Wivy defence and produced enough pressure for 'Man of the Match' Pen Al Tytry to score. Unfortunately it was too little too late.
A game of rugby at Wivy played in the right spirit (that doesn't happen too often) and hopefully a warm up for next week's fixture home to North Petherton.

Wyvern 19 – Taunton 46

A bruising and often physical encounter saw Wyvern run out losers by 27 points on Sunday morning.

A big crowd, bolstered by several sightings of the Wyvern 2nd XV saw an effective Taunton pack release straight running and very quick centres to ‘rack-up’ 15 unanswered points in the opening quarter. Wyvern eventually responded with a try from Mark Lees (apparently running from the half way line, although I only saw him belly flop onto a Taunton handling error!) following a period of concerted pressure from the Wyvern pack. The Fish converted a very difficult kick from in front of the posts.

Further scores followed from Taunton and Wyvern found themselves 29 – 7 down at half time. Captain Wren’s decision to roll on subs during the break looked rather suspect as several players hobbled off and the original 15 were soon back on the park. The shortest duration was Scampi, who lasted no more than two minutes when he limped off, ‘Spudesque’ in style, with a dislocated finger grumbling about how he was going to make 132 marinated Badger’s liver flambés for Princess Anne’s 50th birthday bash at his London Hotel!

Westies decision to compete for the ball ‘mostly’ on Taunton’s side of the rucks led to Tony James being sin-binned for some over enthusiastic use of the boot. Westie kept grinning throughout!

The loss of Tauntons scrum half saw Wyvern come back into the game. Tries form Lean Lennie Lennox (easily converted by fish) and Corporal ‘Dougal’ James (conversion easily missed by Fish) saw Wyvern creep within two scores. Unfortunately Taunton re-affirmed their grip in the forwards and further scores followed, with the referee politely asking Captain Wren why we were only playing with seven forwards!

A refreshingly clean (well almost!) game in contrast to previous encounters was well refereed by all 31 bodies on the park.

Hopefully all injuries will be healed by Friday. Westies groin strain is undergoing intensive massage therapy (so he told me) from Mrs Westie, whilst Spuds dirty knees will be washed and cleaned by Friday, Sally promised!

Wyvern 15 – Minehead Barbarians 5

What a difference a week makes! Following the lacklustre performance against Wellington, Wyvern responded with a resolute display against Minehead Barbarians.

A keen opposition arrived at 10:20 ‘ish’ along with an uncharacteristically early Jimmy the Fish, fresh from an evening of Coca-Cola and nubile tax inspectresses! Dave Cox caused panic and much team shuffling when he arrived 2 minutes before kick off. Westies opportunity to play in the back row slipping agonisingly through his fingers! 

The opening exchanges did not bode well with Martin ‘never let the ball bounce’ Howe letting the ball bounce. Minehead crashing over for the first score of the morning. A long spell of evenly contested play saw Wyvern eventually break away, with Taz ‘I was born to play No 8’ Bailey sprinting like a winger, running as straight as a centre and carrying the weight of a prop, scything through an overstretched Minehead defence to score under the posts. The Fish converted a very easy kick to give Wyvern a slender advantage.

Spud Murphy limped off midway through the first half with a suspected fractured shin which turned out to be a slight abrasion of the left leg. Enter Harry Harrison stage ‘behind the posts’ to play what can only be described as the best game of his lengthy ‘super sub’ Wyvern career.

At the re-start trainee Captain Wren was grateful of the advice from Jimmy the Fish ‘look you **** if you win the toss play uphill in the first half!’ The Fish proceeded to pin Minehead deep into their ‘22’ with a series of accurate, lengthy and some would say ‘lucky’ touch kicks. 

The front row of Moley (substituted with a fit again Spud Murphy at half time), Westie and Dave ‘against the head’ Cox were inspirational at the set piece, and along with Brian and Harry providing the horsepower in the ‘engine room’ shoved the Minehead scrum back on several occasions. Such continued pressure eventually told with Jason Squire braking down the blindside who slipped a pass inside to Jon Wren who scored in the corner. Howie missed a very difficult conversion. The Fish followed this score with another very easy penalty kick.

A special mention must go to Guy ‘the munch’ Loader whose work in the lose play was akin to his erstwhile namesake and provided the backs with the possession they had failed to enjoy at Wellington.

The absence of Corporal James (family duties) was especially felt at half time when the pork pie remained uneaten.

An excellent performance by all which will, without doubt, be built on next week when we are entertained by our local rivals Taunton RFC. Captain Wren is currently negotiating with seven Liechtenstein internationals to cancel out the threat posed by the band of Fijians that Taunton have under contract.

PS: We lost last week to Wellington (37 – 7). Not a great deal to say except that the most entertaining part of the morning was watching The Fish vomit profusely at half time, during the second half, at the end of the second half, in the changing rooms and finally in the showers. His pallor went from white to green to translucent to transparent! 

And Doug James scored!

Wyvern 54 – Blake Bears 0

Doug Who?

An unusually large squad of 21 gathered at ‘Wyvern Park’ to start the new season. Old faces, new faces and Hoolie provided an impressive line up to face the ‘Bears’.

After ‘volunteering’ three players to the opposition Wyvern settled into an ominous routine. Secured possession, impressive work from the half backs and exocet passes from the Fish saw Steve ‘Gazelle’ Ladd run in three first half tries. Additional scores from Gareth ‘the Hands’ Hughes and ‘Skippy’ Squire (converted by Howie), saw Wyvern turn around 27 – 0 up at the break.

Inspiration at half time was provided by the oranges (never saw those last season Corpral James) and a Guy ‘the Munch’ Loader team talk. Corporal James was seen to eat three oranges, which must have provided the power and additional vitamin C for his 2 metre dash to the try line. Taz Bailey’s Bolshoi ballet style pirouette into the corner and Steve Ladds final flourish, completed the second half scoring.

Jimmy ‘the Fish’ had a personal haul of 12 points but these are not up for discussion because he won’t let me into his gang, says I’m a rubbish Captain and is not going to play for us anymore. I shall be phoning Mark Lees in the morning!!

The Wyvern pack tackled well throughout the game, constantly stealing possession. Moley and Westie appeared like grinning Welsh miners ruck after ruck, securing a steady supply of possession. Only one penalty against Westie, a new club record! Hoolie, settling into his new role as blindside flanker, was seen to tackle and pass more than once and not to whinge about his ‘dodgy’ back at all, another club record!

Doug James left the clubhouse claiming responsibility for the winning start due to the foundations that he had put in place last season. However, most agreed it was due to the rigorous pre-season training regime instigated by newly elected Captain Bench the previous Sunday.

Many thanks to all the boys who played for the opposition (Dave, Rod and Harry, who changed shirts four times!) or who ‘passed the baton’ over at half time.

‘Spud’ Murphy has promised to get his hair cut for the Wellington game so that he can hear Doug when he shouts ‘MINE’ at the re-starts. Dedication to the cause!

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